3 min 24 sec read
Isn't this wonderful weather we’re having? It's great to know how it feels on Neptune, isn’t it?
This weekend, Karen visited.
We had an amazing time brainstorming the illustrated book, looking at paper samples, visiting local book shops, looking at old books, new books…feeling their covers, touching the embossing, leafing through the dreaming within the pages…thoughts, words, guide-books to fantasy lands…graphic novels, books about gnomes, modern offshoots of Alice in Wonderland…
Because KB - as I call her - and I go back so far, we also spiralled down the rabbit hole of reflection, mostly on the last decade and a half. She was the “best man" at my wedding…a beautiful, fairy-tale event on Maple Lake up near Haliburton…my then-husband and I drove away from our wedding with “Float On" blaring by Modest Mouse. People envied us. We were deeply in love.
Fast forward to present day. Where I feel almost like a single parent…being the primary caretaker through the week for my kids. I can’t say that I have found forgiveness, or a way through yet…although some days are joyous and I feel my old self bouncing around inside my body. Other days, I shake my head and wonder what went so terribly wrong.
Whenever I get introspective, I notice a number of you have stories to share that parallel my own mystery. I wonder where you put your turmoil, or joy, or epiphanies…if not into music.
I remember a day I used to make drama for the sake of a song.
I certainly didn’t cook this one up!
Mark Manson the writer covers the topic of “victimhood chic" in his book “The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F**k”. I leafed back to that segment of the book this week and it reminded me that there are so many others out there who have a more dire tragedy on their hands. Although the love of my life threw in the towel, and we weren’t provided the opportunity to work on our marriage (counselling is a two-way street, and therefore must be agreed on by both parties…sadly)…I am grateful he is still on this earth. To be a dad to my kids.
I have said that to people this year…"it could be worse. At least someone didn’t lose a leg or something”.
Although some times I have looked down and wondered if I lost my heart.
KB’s visit was like a galaxy hugging a planet….her presence enveloped me with love and bravery. My eyes turned back to this project…to the "Why" of doing it at all.
And sure, we are self-publishing. And I am self-releasing. And I have, for my own sanity, severed most ties with the music industry. And the world. :) But I still feel like I am winning…to have all of you to listen to these songs…and to have KB to illustrate the feelings behind them, the ups and downs we all go through…to bring life to this world, to try to let go.
Stay strong all you lovely people. We have each other.