Thank you to those of you who came to my online concert on Saturday. I don’t know what it was but I felt a little like I was being

the soundwoman
the videographer
the tour manager
the musical director

Photo by my mom !! (Rachael is disappearing a la Back to The Future)

And I know that we are all Zoomed out…but all the same, it was wonderful just to see all of you again. And your pets. And your smiles.

It was quiet after the concert. I moved the furniture back. I ran a “reward bath”. The thing I do because when the meeting ends, there’s usually no one in the house to chat to and it can be a little lonely. This time, Jaron and Rachael were packing up, but even they eventually left and I sort of reviewed the night from the glow of the candlelight…steam rising from the bathwater. And they came - doubts. Doubts that I could do another one of these concerts. Doubts that it wasn’t enough. That I wasn’t. Then I realized I’d been up since 4:30 a.m….obsessing over how to make it great, positioning lights and testing things and editing drums…and that short sleep the night before eroded all of my brain cells.

Sometimes a sleep is all we need. Sometimes the morning is all we need.

I woke up and realized that if I am going to focus on “the lack”…(like Mike said to me the other week) or in this case “the doubts”…I’m not going to be able to step into this world….of doing music fully, of embracing every joyful moment…I’m going to just be second-guessing. Like the atmosphere of second-guessing that was enabled by a merger, a wandering manager, a lack of experience.

But morning came…and I breathed in a new day. I told myself what I knew: that I did a good job. That it wasn’t like other shows what with all the covers. But that was ok. It sounded as best as I could have made it. My mom didn’t text after to say “great show” like she normally does. But, you know what, it was still great. And once I decided for myself what really was authentically true and good about the show….the universe handed me a little backup just moments later. .

A beautiful note from Eric. (thank you!)

Remembering nice texts from Peter post-show. (thank you!)

A gorgeous text from Sue.

An email from Doug…

Sigh.

Why do we need the support of each other? You’d think we can just do everything ourselves. But we do need it. The “DIY or DIE” of yesteryear seems so far away. We need one another more than ever.

So I thank you. For buying a ticket. For being there. For being on one more Zoom call. And thank you to those of you who wrote to tell me that you enjoyed it. You can’t know how much it meant to me.

So with that lesson …. that I can find it within myself to be strong, and at the same time, I can admit that I need my peeps…I moved into this week.

I finished reading and recording my audiobook which was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done! So much talking! So many starts and stops. Since I was recording at home, the occasional emergency vehicle sirens had to be worked around a few times! (I live on a busy street.) Reading the chapter about the marriage ending was a little difficult - I’m not going to lie. I’ve healed so much from it, but I don’t often think about or talk about the story - of meeting, of evolving, of it ending. Well, someone put it in my book I guess. And that person was….me. :)

Maybe there are things in your life that you want to leave behind. Maybe you can fondly remember these things without too much heartache and sweetly allow them to depart. But if there are people or things that are still causing you difficulty, I’ve found a few things to be helpful.

Writing letters to say goodbye. Talking about what you liked, what you didn’t like, what you wished for, and why you’re saying goodbye. Most of the time you can’t send those letters, but that’s ok. Those letters are - like forgiveness - they’re for you.

Some meditations have helped me tremendously in “cutting cords”. Sometimes we think about putting boundaries between us and others and it seems selfish or mean. But sometimes cutting cords means you release that energy in your life to make room for new energy. Sometimes it’s a relief to everyone. One of my favourites is here.

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So …a few things coming up:

This week I’ll be on “Today Extra” which is one of Australia’s most prominent morning shows. I’m truly thrilled. I go live from my home on Wednesday evening, which is Thursday over there. Technology blows me away sometimes. Australia! I didn’t even realize I mention Olivia Newton-John AND Men At Work in my book.

My segment on CBC The Sunday Magazine is here if you missed it.

File under: THINGS MY PARENTS WILL LOVE IF THEY WORK OUT. I’m going to submit “Just For You” for the Juno Awards again this year as it was (cleverly) released on a date where it could be submitted two years in a row. Wish me luck!

Bowie’s vinyl/CD package “Brilliant Adventure” arrived at my door this week. It took me some time to open it but when I did, my partner Michael by my side, I felt another flood of gratitude…more of my work with DB out in the world…voices blending…hearts together. The book that goes with the vinyl package is unreal.

And finally, I just put vocals and keys (a la Loverboy) down on a new Trapper song. Our plan is to make a cassette to put out in time for Christmas and then put Trapper to bed. I’ll share the rough mix (lots to work on still) with you in Rare Songs.

PS Welcome, to new member Alex R.!!!

With you always….Emm.

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DIARY: October 26: