Diary: Dec 4 Wrapped, Almost
Hello from my parents’ house, tucked by the lake….Michigan way way off in the distance if you squint hard enough from the beach. But let’s face it - who’s at the beach at this time of year?!!
It’s the time of year-end this and that, scurrying around to fulfill Christmas lists and dealing with all the newness of another pending winter. Salt on the front steps, the cat in the tree (as some of you saw during our Zoom hang) and thinking of making space for 2022.
The “Spotify wrapped” summaries - end of the year tallies of who you listened to, or if you’re an artist how many streams you got - are great for people interested in seeing what they listened to all year, or didn’t. They are great for artists who enjoy a big following, seeing those millions of streams and subsequently clinking champagne glasses with their team. But for some of us indie musicians, they create mixed feelings. I see it in some of the aspiring artists I coach, and it’s not limited to Spotify wrapped numbers. It’s a daily cloud that can interrupt joy. How many followers? What kinds of comments? How many streams? It can be never-ending.
This year, I prefer to focus on impact over insights. I prefer to focus on what I’ve worked on all year, which is cultivating joy and following its energy. I’ve honed my coaching skills, I’ve learned hard lessons, I’ve learned what works and doesn’t and most of all, I’ve turned an even sharper corner in my own life just when I thought I was pretty damn joyful. And before I dive in here, let me first say that I love all of you. You have followed me from an angsty, eye-lined 20-something., through twists and turns to this stage in my life where I constantly feel new. You guys have SO MUCH to do with this. By telling me what you want to see more of, by reminding me of my gift for writing and performing….for always keeping the dream alive.
So on the topic of milestones, streams, income, followers, likes …. let me tell you right now that it’s okay not to count. It’s okay not to take stock. It’s fine just to flow. It’s more than ok to just access your child’s heart, that pre-internet kid inside you that just found happiness in small things.
If you are saying to yourself, what is this self-help mumbo jumbo, I say - no problem. It can sound like that but if you are looking for a few ways to move into something more joyful, I can share with you what has worked for me and maybe it will give you a little spark of inspiration. The model is:
SHARE > LIST YOUR JOY > DO THE THINGS > DECIDE > BREATHE & BELIEVE > LET GO
Sharing. With you. My post where I blurted it all out and announced that I would more fully step into music with gratitude and effort was a teary, difficult post to write. In it I talked about talking about Bowie less, admitting I had struggled with what it all meant to have it be such a big part of my story. Ironically, I find myself learning “Starman” for the string of Sound and Vision Bowie shows in NY and talking about David in interviews around the book, all the time. :) but the point is, my outlook on it all has shifted. Instead of feeling like riding coattails or “less-than” for my stint as a hired gun, I now proudly consider it part of my story. I hear my voice on “Toy”, I know it made it better. I relax around all things DB because I have resolved to step more fully into my story. So tip number 1: Share. When you to to open that email to type to someone and then you just save it as a draft, or you backspace that text or you procrastinate on reaching out to someone…push through. Share yourself. The people who see you will see you and love you, fully. The people who don’t — well, they reveal to YOU that they are not part of your universe and you know you can let them go a little.
Make a joy list. What are the things that absolutely fill you with joy. You’ve heard me go on and on about Michael McDonald this year. No, it is not 1982. But to me sometimes I like to feel like it is!! Whatever wacky thing that makes you light up, even if it is super-vintage, not cool anymore, aging, out of reach, out of fashion….a hobby, an album, a movie, a kind of clothing you love to sport…write it all down. Let all your joys come out in a big long list, and then go through and highlight the BIG JOYS on that list. For me: playing bass, performing, dressing up etc. Tip number 2: Make your joy list.
After I made my list, I looked at it for a few days and asked myself what actions I could take to support my joys. And if you read my book, I’m all about sustainable action. By this I mean, action that if you keep taking it, your health and wellness are nurtured or improved. Maybe you are doing things already like exercise or hanging with friends (or going to concerts - I see you Sandra!) that nurture your joy. But how about making a list of what you haven’t been doing? Make that list and do a little something from it regularly, or do all of it daily! Tip number 3: Do things to uphold the joyful things on your list.
Decide the universe is supporting you. I learned this from Mike, the entrepreneur in my town. And it makes so much sense why it’s so easy to slide into destructive thinking or negative thought patterns because A. we all have our own baggage and B. the thought of just deciding the universe supports you sounds super-sketchy. There’s no road map. What does it even mean?. How does anyone do this? Tip: The secret for me is in breathing and letting go. Yes, we race through our day and accumulate worries. Especially as parents of young kids or people trying to up level our careers. Breathe deeply through the day, allow trust and knowing to come through. Try guided meditations in areas where you feel you have concern: wealth, health, letting go of toxic people, clearing clutter - whatever it is. And then go back up to your joy list, your intended actions around joy and pull the trigger. Immerse yourself in any of the things you have written down. Tap into your kids’ heart and as my friend Mike said to me - “let yourself off the hook”.
And then finally, self-worth. We all struggle so much with this because very few of us had our feelings taken care of when we were young. Or even last week. We try to find our worth outside of ourselves - in other people’s reassurances, compliments, feedback, in job promotions, by comparing to images in media, numbing ourselves through alcohol, phone use and procrastination, telling ourselves false narratives, perpetuating bad habits. My solution to this is: allow the world (which we can’t fully ignore or detach from) to inspire you, but find your purpose and your drive from within. How do you do this, you say? Through stillness, journalling, following your joy, meditation, surrounding yourself with good people with good energy. Because all of these things are focused on joy and self-acceptance, you will automatically gravitate to your best energy. You will remember what really lights you up and that you actually bring this light, you’re a vehicle for this light. Maybe your spouse isn’t telling you how amazing you are, YOU ARE. Maybe your job isn’t telling you how amazing you are, YOU ARE. And once you decide you are bringing one thing, even a little thing to the landscape of the world that no one else is, then you’ve planted the seed. And it really is about the seed. It’s about starting small.
I will say that you can do all of these things and still have bad days. Hormones, curveballs, lack of sleep, life - it all gets in the way. But if you know that these diversions are temporary and you can breathe through them and create a little space for doing something fun every day in the midst of them, you will get through.
I draw so much strength from all of you. Thanks to those of you who jumped on the Zoom hang a few weeks ago. I felt an immense positive energy from all of you even though we are all working through our own heavy challenges.
Joy. Here’s a tangible example for you PLUS A NEW DEMO. Michael and I have just written what I think is the perfect duet for me and Michael McDonald to sing on. I’m laughing as I write this, partially because you have to hear me talk about a 69 year-old Doobie brother all the time, and partially because I’m just so thrilled with how it came out. I’ll share it in rare songs but please don’t share it with anyone! It’s either called “Business & Pleasure” (although I know by the Jim Vallance school of songwriting that won’t fly - he always says all titles should be the thing you hear in the chorus. Thanks Jim. What does he know??), so it might be called “The Chance”. Please let me know what you think it comments and here’s my producer Fred’s email yesterday that he sent after hearing it:
After this I cried. He told me to wait till he gets hm for real, then cry.
I love you all. You’re all so magical. More later! Emm