Happy Holidays & 5 Secrets I Learned This Year
photo by Scott Clarke
Merry Christmas to all of you…I hope you’re giving yourself some extra pampering today. And allowing the reflections of the year to be what they are…reminders of your vitality, your bravery, your courage….your growth
I began this year fully aware that there were some things I wanted to change…a feeling of “stuckness” in some regard. I wanted to step into the spirit of living and being instead of always being on the hamster wheel of work, busyness, motherhood and trumpeting out accomplishments.
When you look back at this year, and maybe you need to check your phone to see where you were at in January 2023…just do it and take a minute to revel in all you’ve learned…
I will - after I share a few photos -give you my 5 best “life-changing secrets” of this year which may inspire you too.
First - some animal love. Izzy turned 4 this year…we got him right before Covid occurred and he has been the biggest blessing. This year he did NOT climb up the Christmas tree, but he continues to wreak havoc in a kitten way. He has started curling up with Michael and I when we finally relax on the couch (we only learned how to do this recently)…a reminder that animals mirror our energy, as much as we get from them. Sending a big holiday wish to all the Backstage Pets…Olive, Bea, Xander, Henry, to name a few.
My fan and friend Julio sent a lavish box of Spanish candy. He is so kind and his note in the gift made my year. He said he thinks of my visit to Lleida every day. What so many of you don’t always realize is that your presence makes everything meaningful for me. To be able to know your lives, hear your stories, celebrate your triumphs and feel some of your hardships, is a gift. This wouldn’t happen if I was a super-celebrity. Not like this. I hold you close. I think of you often. And I am so grateful for the shows of support, the gifts, your face at shows, your face on our Zoom hangs.
Sometimes you need to break up the constant work with a self-imposed day out. This little corner of the world is Fernwood Hills, two tiny houses in the woods near Komoka, Ontario. Yes, you have to walk down the trail to the bathroom but there’s something so calming about creating that time for yourself. I journaled, watched for deer, ate some gourmet chocolates….sipped a chai latte….and listened to the trees. I encourage each of you to find a little time to yourself. I love that Michael has gotten used to my need for this, and encourages it for me, too. To be an expert on your partner’s nervous system…I think I read somewhere that that is one of the great accomplishments you can make within a relationship. I mean, I guess even understanding our own nervous system is a good starting place.
I regret that I forgot to record the last Backstage Zang…but I will remember next time. Thank you to everyone who showed up and I did have a question from Michael Colford as to what is coming up in 2024.
In 2024, my goal is to slow down a little bit. This year was big, what with playing with Def Leppard and releasing the album, plus touring to the UK and Europe and through the US. But of course when I say slow down, it doesn’t mean that I’m aiming to “do less”, it’s more….do things with more meaning…with more design and intent…than to simply fill the calendar. For a Gemini like me, filling the calendar is easy but I’m still on a journey to heal a few things…accept more about myself and so that means taking care of ME.
Michael and I have written a few new songs and there will be a collaboration with Yacht Rockers Page 99 at some point in 2024. Perhaps a cover of a Van Halen song anyone? I’ve got a few shows and I’m planning a Performance Coaching Retreat in St Marys for Mar 2nd in the daytime, so if anyone is interested in learning more about movement, stage presence and voice, email me to learn more. Mostly, I’m working on stepping more into bringing music into the home, singing more everyday, writing and …..here’s a fun news item I can let you in on because, well, you’re the Backstage. We are going to release a new remixed, remastered version of Girl Versions in 2024, with the bonus tracks not featured on the first edition! A limited number of CDs will be made and I’m still on the fence about vinyl. The success of “Pour Some Sugar On Me” spawned this idea, but then when I went back and realized how dope “Freewill” is as a cover, I knew this had to happen. (I have posted it in Rare Songs for you.) Merry Christmas!
And finally, because I am ME, here are my 5 big LEARNS from 2023. I hope that you might find them inspiring/illuminating.
Paradoxes. That we must take the good with the bad. For too long, I have lived a life of high expectations and high standards. I think in a lot of ways it’s great to live this way. But when we strive, unrelentingly to find perfection in ourselves and those around us we can burn out. So being aware that things can be hard and easy at the same time, joyful and challenging…successful and unsuccessful…with many degrees in between. Many of us are walking around Adult Children of Alcoholics and we don’t know it. This term came to me in 2020 and a massive light bulb went off for me. One of the traits of ACA’s is a “black and white” thinking. Knowing what our traits are is key to our healing and acceptance of ourselves. You can read more about The Laundry List — the traits associated with ACAs here.
Physicality is often a better gateway to changing the mind than starting just with the mind. The phrase “get out of your head” comes to mind…and now I really subscribe to this. This year, I studied with Louise Mahler, a performance coach and body language expert from Australia. She reads body language for news shows - breaking down truths about everyone from The Royal Family to Trump with startling accuracy. She taught me the power of using movement and breath to move out of nerves or anxious thinking - something useful before going onstage. I also started to learn about the work of Lynn Fraser and Lisa Burchartz, who are champions and practitioners of Somatic Stress Release. In this way, we explore our wellness and heal our trauma through movements and awareness of our own bodies. Every morning at 8 am ET, Lynn Fraser leads a free Zoom practice where she takes you through 25 minutes of Somatic Inquiry. I’ve found these meetings so helpful, I often join with my camera off and a simple 25 minute practice like this can reverse the anxiousness I sometimes wake up with, or the stress that I feel right off the bat at the start of the day. Find out more about Lynn Fraser HERE and Lisa HERE.
Defining certainty. As artists, we often measure how successful we are in outdated, traditional ways like income and accolades. I notice that the root of so much unrest is based in how high our threshold is for uncertainty. If you can find ways to be secure and certain where you really need it, you can allow yourself to dream and get adventurous in other parts of life. Vocal Coaching has been that for me - something I believe in very deeply but also a way to bring certainty into my life so that I can dream a little more with my music. What has come out of it are a wealth of extraordinary connections with new singers and some very established. My roster is FULL! and that’s great now, to go into 2024 with my coaching practice thriving, my soul full and the freedom to start imagining the next project. If you feel a little uneasy about starting or finishing a creative project, it could just be that you need to define your threshold for certainty.
BOOKS! I can’t recommend this book enough. The Five Roles of the Master Herder by Linda Kohanov. This book is about how you lead in life, or just live in more balance by drawing on the energy and behaviour of horses. The concept of Equine Therapy was brought closer to me by Lisa Burchartz, when she invited me to a retreat near Hamilton in the fall. There are takeaways in this book that have helped me with parenting, with leadership, with behaviour…and it all comes back to author Linda Kohanov’s lifelong study of multiple cultures and also what we can learn from the incredible energy of horses.
Lastly, I learned that it’s ok to take up space. You would think as an artist, I’d have no problem with that. But it dawned on me, another lightbulb moment, that in a lot of situations I wasn’t feeling worthy to take up the space. It became very evident when I saw my doctor recently and he remarked, “You know, you seem to think you’re wasting my time.” My doctor! He was feeling this energy I was putting out into the room of….people pleasing, fear, insecurity. When a stranger picks up on it, you know you've got to look at your energy. So sometimes a little bit of hard advice can lead to change. I tell my singers to do this…to take up space, both literally and energetically. When they sing I say, move the chairs around you, move away from the table. Feel like you can stretch out your arms. So they do. And then their voices become bigger. It’s the same thing in life I think. Take up the space, know you are loved and raise your voice and vibration.
Wishing you all a very very happy 2024. Feel free to comment back and let me know what you learned this year and what you’re excited about going froward.
LOVE…XOXO EMM