DEAR JAZZ ALBUM, THANK YOU FOR BRINGING UP A LOT
How is it possible that my last blog post to you was August of last year?
A sign that life has taken over.
I am in the homestretch with my book on singing, but seem to be ever-editing…one minute I’m inspired by books like Berton’s “The Joy of Writing” and other times I know I have to make this book like only I know how. That means, throwing out other people’s templates. Throwing out the “15 Strategies to….” taglines. It means getting honest, getting raw, and being me. Shocking that it takes until age 44 to finally find this truth. This freedom.
As many of you know I have launched the Kickstarter fundraiser for my jazz album. The money goes to pay the engineers, the artists, the musicians, the travel costs, the pressing of vinyl and so on. I thank those of you who have contributed. I have been really moved by the number of people who are intrigued that I am making this album.
28% funded. And until Easter to go. Very grateful over here. If you would like to back the project and haven’t yet, here is the link. Or you can pass it onto your favourite jazz enthusiast. https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/1084857120/just-for-you-a-new-album-by-emm-gryner/description
Being independent has been scary. The variable income while having two children seems almost irresponsible. But your monthly contributions to my career make everything easier. I truly am in awe of all of you for standing by me for so long, and I hope to make this a record that fills your hearts and ears with joy.
As I write this I am pondering what track to give you a sneak peek on. No one else will hear this song but you, my treasured Insiders.
File under: Time to get personal:
No one else will also read what I write here. This is a space that I deliberately told my family and extended family not to buy a membership to, maybe it was because my bond with all of you somehow allows me to break down the walls and be open. Any musicians reading this know how hard it is to play a hometown show, when your parents are sitting front and centre beaming back to you flashbacks of your childhood. Love, struggle, confusion, acceptance, pride, critique, praise…the whole thing. You sometimes just wish childhood had been running through the meadows in a cotton dress, day after day.
In fact, making “Just For You” has forced me, perhaps subconsciously, to peer into the past. Yes, my dad played all these wonderful jazz records for us, and our upbringing was a non-stop environment of music and humour. But between these moments there was struggle. We did not always have the happiest home.
Now that I am a parent, well-acquainted and often uncomfortable with the amount of influence I have on my children, I can see how an ever-shifting labyrinth as a childhood home can shape you forever. I’m not sure I ever knew it was trying time. We bury scars. We turn a blind eye. We learn to cope.
In between the cracks was that saving grace of music, in any form. Jazz, hair metal, prog rock, pop, show tunes, 80’s TV Themes. Damn they made a good TV theme in the 80’s. Time for the synths and french horns to come the hell back.
Anyway, this album is opening up a lot for me. Surprising for a collection of 8 standards and a few originals. Every time I think I have examined myself in detail, heart, soul and mind…in this relatively new single mom life, another revelation comes to light. I wonder how long this will go on for?! Like for serious. But it certainly explains the desire to put all my unresolved feelings into song. There’s a reason why I loved 80’s music. My GE radio/tape player was my escape. There’s a reason why I loved songwriting. I finally had a voice. And now, there’s a reason why all of these pieces of a puzzle are coming together, as I explore the world of jazz, and all these great songs of the past.
So many of us grew up in difficult environments. If there’s anything I can say about it, it is to simply be okay with the fact that it wasn’t always happy. But take a long hard look at it, and walk through the thorny garden again and again if it means you can heal for good. Forgive if you can, knowing your parents tried their best. And if you’re a parent reading this, forgive yourself because you too are trying your best.
Well, well, well. My Insiders. Is it “a thing” to have every album I make past the age of 40 be a source of awakening? This is becoming a little, like, exhausting!
With every song I sing, I notice my voice is stronger, more open, more adventurous. I see that the dreams I had as a pre-teen sporting feathered hair and gym shorts, singing into a plastic sparkly microphone in my bedroom have really come true. You have been with me every step of the way.
When I wanted to make an Irish covers record, you didn’t flinch. When I turned Fugazi and The Clash into ballads, you were cool with it. When I went off to tour with Bowie while my major label life was still buzzin’, some of you may have been puzzled, but at the end of the day you got on board. When I put on the spandex in Trapper, you put your fists in the air. When I hosted on the CBC, you tuned in, some of you from afar. When I am slow to get the cover songs you pledged for a few campaigns ago, you are patient with me. I daresay your love for me and music reminds me of the unconditional. I would never trade my relatively small fan base for one so big I could not put my arms around.
So I think I know what song I will put up for you in Rare Songs. It was the most daunting of all the jazz numbers to sing, an odd gem by Peggy Lee. Joe Corcoran my co-hort at the mix desk on the jazz album remarked that “Is That All There Is” just may have a relevance in this Instagram day and age. Him saying that has sparked some ideas for a video. A video! I guess I’ll be doing this till I’m 80.
So I guess I would like to say thank you. For being patient. For giving every month. For fuelling my spirit. And, for being cool with JAZZ!!!!!!
[insert jazz hands here]
Love Emm
